oh shit.. i did it

1. Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie/book/fictional character reminds me of you.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me. Or at least me.
4. I'll tell you my favorite memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal or plant you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
7. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.

<3gen

good to be home

so i've been home this weekend for easter, and for once, it seems like things are falling into place. my life, it seems, for a few moments, is being planned and pieced together and may actually work out. i worry with predicting that things will work out the way i want them, which rarely happens in my life, but perhaps this time.....

this weekend i felt infinitely better than i have in such a long time. james came home, and for a while yesterday, i laid in the back of his convertible and looked up at the big blue sky while driving to ryan's house and listening to mpr. and that night at dinner joe showed a slideshow about caitlin, something we all hadn't thought about in a long time. and i got to see cindy and gretchen and karen, and snoopy walked around on the floor, and scruggs came over and we all went and got donuts, and we sat on james's floor and looked at pictures and ate donuts. for just a few minutes, it was like old times.

and today we had easter. and we ate chocolate and made food together as a family and then sat at the table and said grace and ate. and my dad didn't make any comments about the food, and he was nice, and didn't say a mean thing about anybody. and he listened to our stories, and he told him own, and he didn't interrupt or say NO to everything we said. and my mom laughed and my sister didn't answer her cell phone. and we had an ice easter dinner and nothing went wrong. we didn't have to tell my dad to turn off the tv, no one got yelled at, the food was delicious, and the day was beautiful. it was probably one of the only great family dinners we've ever had.
and now i'm washing clothes and writing a paper and listening to mark isham [crash soundtrack]. and i feel okay. yeah, i'm not gonna pull higher than a C in french. yeah, i have a paper due tomorrow and a creative writing assignment. yeah, the new teacher for my blount class really sucks. yeah, it's getting tiresome living so close with so many people for so long. and yeah, i am SO ready for all my friends to be back home and in james's room and laughing like we never graduated high school and we never left home. but you know what? summer's pretty close, my parents aren't fighting, and i think i can hold myself over until we can all be together again this summer.

i know it's trite, but i think the best metaphor for life is in fact a roller coaster. i think everyone uses that parallel because it's true, and it works, and it really feels like that sometimes. i will leave you with song lyrics- go download the song if you like it.

"better son/daughter" by rilo kiley
~and sometimes when you're on
you're really fukin' on
and your friends they sing along
and they love you.
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fuckin' cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence.
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it
if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile.
and you'll better
and you'll be smarter
and more grown up
and a better daughter
or son or a real good friend.
and you'll be awake
you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
you'll be happy and you'll be
beautiful.
you'll be happy.~

<3gen

quotables

"And I thought, there was no God, there was only what you wanted"
--White Oleander, by Janet Fitch

I'm Writing A Letter

Dear God,
oooooHi, it's Genevieve. I know we haven't written in a while, but in your last letter you menioned a few natural disasters you were going to be proccupied with, so i let you off for a little while. But it has come to my attention that you have, yet again, made an aggregious error in your Life and Death department. I'm sorry to sound so formal, I know you and I are old friends and we've been writing these letters for some time, but I feel it necessary to give this matter the respect it deserves.
ooooo I really liked Ute Winston. She was probably my favorite teacher since Rutsky, and most likely one of the best I've ever had. She was a wonderful person, and always made us laugh, not to mention a self-declared and student-supported bad ass. We joked about her, we trusted her with our essays. She understood things like specificity, creativity, details and open-ended quesitons. She always smiled, put people in their place, taught great history and always managed to make everyone speak. She was a great teacher, and I wanted her to be my gramma. She was our own little German grandmother and we loved her- masturbation jokes and all.
ooooo I don't understand your reasoning in allowing her to die. I understand that she was old, but I thought I took priority here? I thought that when it came to me, you promised you wouldn't take any more people I liked before I said I was okay with it? We had this discussion God, we talked about it, and I want you to know that this is not fucking cool. This is not okay with me and fuck formality but this is really taking it too far. This whole high-and-mighty routine is getting old, especially when you just arbitrarily decide that you are going to take friends, principals, and good teachers away from this world. You said you would check with me! You said you would call! But no, the letters stopped, your number got disconnected, and now you let Ute Winston die? And you gave us another teacher whose nickname is "Douchebag Dokee?" You can't replace her! And you can't make half of my dorm cry, including me and all my close friends, and make me recieve the news while the tornado siren is going off and the whole world explodes.
ooooo I don't give a damn about natural disasters! Fuck hunger and poverty and earthquakes and adoption and car bombs and a war and gas prices and corruption! I take priority! You can't ignore me forever! You can't take anyone else! You promised you wouldn't do it again, and you went and did it anyway.
ooooo I'm sorry to break from formality, but please try to write back as soon as possible. It's been nearly a year since we talked, and I keep writing. I've enclosed a few stamps this time, in case you've run out of stamps. And some extra paper and an envelope or two. I also dropped in a pencil and a pen, just in case you don't have one. I put my dorm phone number, and Ryan's cell if you want to call. But I'm here most of the time, so just please write back. Or something. I just want you to answer.
ooooo Maybe you ran out of stamps.

Sincerely Yours,
Genevieve