good to be home

so i've been home this weekend for easter, and for once, it seems like things are falling into place. my life, it seems, for a few moments, is being planned and pieced together and may actually work out. i worry with predicting that things will work out the way i want them, which rarely happens in my life, but perhaps this time.....

this weekend i felt infinitely better than i have in such a long time. james came home, and for a while yesterday, i laid in the back of his convertible and looked up at the big blue sky while driving to ryan's house and listening to mpr. and that night at dinner joe showed a slideshow about caitlin, something we all hadn't thought about in a long time. and i got to see cindy and gretchen and karen, and snoopy walked around on the floor, and scruggs came over and we all went and got donuts, and we sat on james's floor and looked at pictures and ate donuts. for just a few minutes, it was like old times.

and today we had easter. and we ate chocolate and made food together as a family and then sat at the table and said grace and ate. and my dad didn't make any comments about the food, and he was nice, and didn't say a mean thing about anybody. and he listened to our stories, and he told him own, and he didn't interrupt or say NO to everything we said. and my mom laughed and my sister didn't answer her cell phone. and we had an ice easter dinner and nothing went wrong. we didn't have to tell my dad to turn off the tv, no one got yelled at, the food was delicious, and the day was beautiful. it was probably one of the only great family dinners we've ever had.
and now i'm washing clothes and writing a paper and listening to mark isham [crash soundtrack]. and i feel okay. yeah, i'm not gonna pull higher than a C in french. yeah, i have a paper due tomorrow and a creative writing assignment. yeah, the new teacher for my blount class really sucks. yeah, it's getting tiresome living so close with so many people for so long. and yeah, i am SO ready for all my friends to be back home and in james's room and laughing like we never graduated high school and we never left home. but you know what? summer's pretty close, my parents aren't fighting, and i think i can hold myself over until we can all be together again this summer.

i know it's trite, but i think the best metaphor for life is in fact a roller coaster. i think everyone uses that parallel because it's true, and it works, and it really feels like that sometimes. i will leave you with song lyrics- go download the song if you like it.

"better son/daughter" by rilo kiley
~and sometimes when you're on
you're really fukin' on
and your friends they sing along
and they love you.
but the lows are so extreme
that the good seems fuckin' cheap
and it teases you for weeks in its absence.
but you'll fight and you'll make it through
you'll fake it
if you have to
and you'll show up for work with a smile.
and you'll better
and you'll be smarter
and more grown up
and a better daughter
or son or a real good friend.
and you'll be awake
you'll be alert
you'll be positive though it hurts
you'll be happy and you'll be
beautiful.
you'll be happy.~

<3gen