can't see past her scarlet letter, and we've never even met her

i'm feeling 'life' creep up on me faster than it ever has. i'm a little overhwhelmed, to be honest. i've realized recently that pretty soon i'm gonna have to start making grown-up decisions, and i don't know if i'm ready to. mine and ben's relationship has become something that i'm beginning to think might be the real thing, and we're going to have to start planning our lives to be grown ups together. ben will be a licensed student pastor by february, and by then we'll only have two semesters of college left. then he'll have grad school in atlanta, and i'll be becoming a teacher. as soon as i graduate, my little sister will be starting her senior year in highschool.

all this and i can't even drive a car, i don't have any money, i've only worked in retail, and i can't make pancakes.

i'm twenty years old. i never, in my whole life, thought i would be twenty years old.
good god.

what am i going to do?

<3gen

oxygen

click this and read this:

I wanna be better than oxygen
So you can breathe when you're drowning and weak in the knees
I wanna speak louder than Ritalin
For all the children who think that they've got a disease
I wanna be cooler than t.v.
For all the kids that are wondering what they are going to be
We can be stronger than bombs
If you're singing along and you know that you really believe
We can be richer than industry
As long as we know that there's things that we don't really need
We can speak louder than ignorance
Cause we speak in silence every time our eyes meet.

On and on, and on it goes
The world it just keeps spinning
Until i'm dizzy, time to breathe
So close my eyes and start again anew.

I wanna see through all the lies of society
To the reality, happiness is at stake
I wanna hold up my head with dignity
Proud of a life where to give means more than to take
I wan't to live beyond the modern mentality
Where paper is all that you're really taught to create
Do you remember the forgotten America?
Justice, equality, freedom to every race?
Just need to get past all the lies and hypocrisy
Make up and hair to the truth behind every face
That look around to all the people you see,
How many of them are happy and free?
I know it sounds like a dream
But it's the only thing that can get me to sleep at night
I know it's hard to believe
But it's easy to see that something here isn't right
I know the future looks dark
But it's there that the kids of today must carry the light.

If i'm afraid to catch a dream
I weave your baskets and i'll float them down the river stream
Each one i weave with words i speak to carry love to your relief.