when you're boyfriend is out of town and kind of annoying, your best friend makes you feel like you've done everything wrong, and your other best friend would have a brain aneurysm if you cried in front of him, you can get to feeling pretty isolated.
when you feel like you work all the time for next to nothing, and barely have time to finish the schoolwork for a class you discovered is actually completely useless to you now. or even when you posted a few days ago about how in love you are, and while you have complete faith in that love, love does not a relationship make, and you worry that maybe the things that have happened are happening all over again, and it's only a matter of time before you prove everyone right all over again. when maybe your best friend's best friend is completely right about you, and you're just a dependent slut who finds love because she needs it to survive. maybe you haven't changed at all in 5 years. maybe everyone is right about you, after all this time. they've got you all figured out.
you can get to feeling pretty alone. because you haven't painted anything worthwhile in months, and you haven't written anything beautiful in what feels like years, and you're going to have to work nearly 70 hours a week over christmas because you know what you're hitting the bottom. you can feel pretty desperate, when you feel like you're working constantly and have nothing to show for it, and your best ideas turn out all wrong, and things just aren't how you'd like them to be right now.
so you watch RENT, because you can't watch it with your boyfriend because he makes you feel stupid for liking happy good movies, and you sing along because your roommates think you have a good voice, and you wish things would get back to how they were a while ago.
okay.
<3gen
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
Man, what was up with the world tonight?
I sat in the bathroom OB and sobbed for like half an hour after everyone left, and I felt so freaking lonely and like absolutely everything in the world was wrong, and what the hell happened in the past 24 hours to make every single thing that was no big deal suddenly a gigantic and terrible deal?
I'm really sorry if I made you feel bad. I don't know at what point it was that I just got into this really really unhappy mood, and I didn't even realize that I wasn't being nice.
Love you.
You just wrote something beautiful when you wrote this post. I was captivated, and I don't even know you. If your boyfriend makes you feel crappy for watching Rent, then watch the door hit his ass as he walks through it. And smile when the next love of you life shows up. It will get better, and it will get worse. You will be up, and you will be down. The hard part is picking yourself up when you are down. Let other people read your work, and look at your paintings. Perhaps they will see something that you don't. Perhaps they won't, but you'll know.
I hope that you feel better.
B.
Everyone needs love to survive. If snarky boyfriends have problems with happy-happy joy-joy movies, tell 'em to shaddup. You're never worthless. Sometimes, when we get overwhelmed, we're kind of like old records with scratches on them -- everything starts to sound crackly and hissy to us, and then the needle skips and we get stuck on one stupid bit of song and it plays over and over and over, and we're too ggrrrrrrr to get up and fix it until finally....
Y'know?
I love you, my GenGen. You are so precious to me.
Post a Comment