his korean wife

as of late, i hate things. and hate takes alot of energy. i know that just two posts ago i was knee-deep in squishy, hard-to-wade-through love. but now, after a certainly less-than-stellar thanksgiving, which is the understatement of the century, i find myself listing things i hate, rather than can't live without.

i hate that i can't post here how sad and lonely and dissapointed i've been feeling because my ex boyfriend will read it and worry his pretty little head and freak the fuck out and want to know what's wrong and why it's wrong and how he can fix it when, if he understood things as all, he would know that is the last thing i want from an angry rant on my blog.

i hate my father. i hate every thing that he does and every thing that he causes and creates. i hate that he hates me. i hate that i can't get over than no matter what i do.

i hate that i can't come up with great lines like lindsey, or write humor like sini, or be sweet like laura, or keep myself at a distance like cooper, or not be affected by anything like my sister, or let things go like my mother.

i hate that my dreams lately have been nothing but romance and kissing and rescues and torrential love affairs acted out in rain and carseats.

i hate that no matter how much my brain begs me not to, my heart craves relationships in a way that is neither healthy nor comforting.

i hate that something i love i must keep far, far away.

i hate that i am spending so much time hating.
it hurts.

<3ashes